At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
