The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
