She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
