fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
