Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
