Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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