Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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