He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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