Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
