After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
