I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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