I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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