Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
