No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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