East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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