I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
