Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
