and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
