Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
