Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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