I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
