Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Drake has all the answers
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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