I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
