I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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