this beer tastes like vomit already
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
