Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
