Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
