i permit you to call me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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