On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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