Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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