p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
