So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How's work?
Spinning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
