This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
