Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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