Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
