When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
