my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
