Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
