When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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