so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
