You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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