she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
