I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
