You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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