Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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