Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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