I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
