I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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