Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
