just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
