woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
