Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
