hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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