My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
