Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
