I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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