This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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