Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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