i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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