ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
