Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
