Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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