My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is Oprah even human
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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