i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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