508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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