dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
