And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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