I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You made out with two different species that night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
