Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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