I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
