so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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