GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
