i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
