The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
